Hello Muddah, hello Fadduh.
Here I am at Camp Granada.
Camp is very entertaining,
And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.
I went hiking with Joe Spivy.
He developed poison ivy.
You remember Leonard Skinner...
He got ptomain poisoning last night after dinner.
All the counselors hate the waiters,
And the lake has alligators,
And the head coach wants no sissies,
So he reads to us from something called "Ulysses".
Now I don't want this should scare ya,
But my bunk mate has malaria.
You remember Jeffrey Hardy...
They're about to organize a searching party.
Take me home, oh Muddah, Fadduh,
Take me home, I hate Granada!
Don't leave me in the forest where
I might get eaten by a bear.
Take me home, I promise I will not make noise,
Or mess the house with other boys.
Oh, please don't make me stay,
I've been here one whole day.
Dearest Father, darling Mother,
How's my precious little brother?
Let me come home if you miss me,
I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me.
Wait a minute, it stopped hailing,
Guys are swimming, gals are sailing.
Playing baseball, gee that's betta,
Muddah, Fadduh, kindly disregard this letter!
The new 1964 version, recorded live on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show on 27 May 1964...
G R A N A D A! Camp Granada, bleeeck!
Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh. I am back at Camp Granada.
And I'm writing you this letter just to say my compound fracture's getting better.
No one here knows where my trunk is and my bunk is where the skunk is.
And this year the food's improving 'cause the little black things in it are not moving.
Our camp nurse is quite a swimmer. She says swimming makes you slimmer.
Her name's Mrs. Balagreeni. Have you ever seen a whale in a bikini?
All our bathrooms have such thin doors. Gee, I wish they'd move them indoors.
We're all tired of Mother Goose here. So next Friday night they're having Lenny Bruce here.
Let me stay, oh Muddah, Fadduh. Let me stay, I love Granada.
Every night the camp fire's really keen. Oh mom, please send some unguentine.
Let me stay, out here in mother nature's land and tip-toe through the tulips grand.
To leave would be a shame. Besides, I'd miss the poker game.
Please don't worry, Fadduh, Muddah. I'll take care of little brother.
He plays ball here and he rows here and I hope they teach him how to blow his nose here.
He wakes up at half past six and goes directly to the quick sand.
He was lonely, now he's better. He's like all of us except his bed is wetter.
Leonard Skinner? A link between Allan Sherman and Lynyrd Skynyrd. Weird.